


more than the sum of my parts

by vivevoce



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Character Study, F/M, JJ-centric, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 20:05:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9287726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivevoce/pseuds/vivevoce
Summary: JJ doesn’t know when he stopped dating and started just hooking up. He just knows that decision seems to have already been unanimously made for him by everyone he meets. So he just goes with it, smiling brighter and waking up every morning alone to put on his clothes and go skate just like he always does. It means nothing, and he makes the firm, brave decision to start loving himself if no one else does.





	

**Author's Note:**

> because why else would anyone ever get a tramp stamp of their own name?

 

He used to date around a lot. He knows what he’s got going for him, knows how his dark blue eyes stand out against his warm skin, how his physics-defying jumps and spins get attention, how his boisterousness makes him charismatic.

 

It’s fun at first, when they come to him. They’ll sleep with him, laugh with him, give him attention, and admire him. And JJ, being young and horny and 16, thinks that’s all he needs at first. He’s excited and enjoying it, welcoming them all with open arms. Which is a mistake, later on, when they start to see him differently (but he’s only 16, how could he have known?).

 

 _Easy_ , they call him. _He’s a good time. JJ is always down._

 

That’s the reputation he gets for being warm and willing to give chances regardless of age or race or gender. And it… it’s not so bad at first. The sex is good, it’s almost always good. It would just be nice if they would stick around afterwards. Or stay the night. Or at least kiss him, sometimes.

 

JJ doesn’t know when he stopped dating and started just hooking up. He just knows that decision seems to have already been unanimously made for him by everyone he meets. So he just goes with it, smiling brighter and waking up every morning alone to put on his clothes and go skate just like he always does. It means nothing, and he makes the firm, brave decision to start loving himself if no one else does. Self love becomes his armor, all smiles and humor and borderline shamelessness as he owns up to his image.

 

 _Slut, manwhore, fuckboy. Cocky, arrogant,_ _conceited._ He’s not going to let words define him, he’s going to define himself. He practices self love like a weapon, like overcompensation. JJ doesn’t _want_ to be seen as anything but un-fuck-withable, and so that’s all he allows them to see. Lonely, and strong, and too smart to let anyone see him cry.

 

* * *

 

JJ isn’t easy. Everyone just seems to think he is. JJ, all honesty, is a hopeless romantic who smiles so wide and laughs so loud that everyone thinks he can take it, that they can do whatever they want because he _looks_ like the way he does, because he is confident and on top of the world and dominating the skating scene. And in the end they can walk away with no consequences if they say “I don’t want anything serious”. They know he’ll just laugh his typical self-involved laugh and move onto the next one because he knows what he’s worth and no one ever stops to think he does all this because he has to, because he never gives up on hoping that the next person will be different, that his equal opportunity approach might be kindly intentioned rather than hormonal. JJ can take it. JJ will always be okay.

 

(And no one, not even JJ, realizes that just because it’s true, doesn’t mean JJ should have to. Doesn’t mean he deserves it. Just because he’s good at picking up the pieces and gluing them into a seamless whole every day, doesn’t mean he deserves to keep getting dropped.)

 

* * *

 

And then he meets Isabella. He’s 18, and he’s seen enough extraordinarily pretty girls like her to know how this works. They admire him, sleep with him, fall for his empty pretty mask he puts on, and loves him only as far as his scores extend, as far as his skills will go. Only love him because of his blue eyes and black hair and chiseled body. JJ never allows himself to slip or be anything less than perfect, never allows himself to expect more than a warm body for the night.

 

But Isabella is the first person to text him bright and early at 9 am with a “good morning” and… JJ knows how friends with benefits works. Knows how fuckbuddies and one night stands work. He isn’t quite sure what to do about this. Isn’t sure what to do when she keeps texting him, not at 2 am but at 2 pm, and asks him out for lunch. She comes to practices and watches him skate. She actually sticks to her promises instead of flaking and teases him when he’s being too silly. They go on proper dates that don’t always end with sex. She is even willing to continue dating him after he neglects to get a haircut or is sweaty and unshowered after practices. He’s not used to being treated well, and JJ falls wildly, madly in love with her. Enough that, at the fragile, impressionable age of 19, he proposes.

 

And luckily for him, Isabella happens to be the correct choice of person to give his heart to. What  could’ve ended horribly for him ends up well, with a pretty, sweet girl who sees _JJ_ and not JJ’s reputation. Strong, vulnerable, cheerful JJ, who sometimes is too naive and forgets to brush his teeth when he’s too tired and occasionally fucks up his jumps. JJ who used to love himself out of necessity and then out of spite.

 

JJ, who still loves himself; even though someone else does now too.

**Author's Note:**

> if you love this boy as much as i do, comment below


End file.
